be.HOTEL Malta

St Julian's, Malta: Great if You're 18. Less Great if You Remember Teletext. Having just spent a week at be.HOTEL in St George's Bay, I can confidently say one thing: if you're 18 and believe every waking moment should be documented for social media, you've found paradise. At 53, however, we were comfortably the oldest people around by at least thirty years. Sitting by the pool felt less like a relaxing holiday and more like observing a wildlife documentary entitled The Mating Rituals of the Selfie Generation. The air was thick with hormones, hairspray and the unmistakable scent of fake tan. Every five minutes someone was either flexing, pouting or taking their 427th identical selfie. Thankfully, by what can only be described as divine intervention, we discovered the InterContinental Beach Club, which single-handedly rescued our holiday—and possibly our sanity. Yes, it's €50 a day, but €40 is credited back towards food and drinks, making it excellent value. Better still, it's peaceful, beautifully maintained and blissfully free from people filming themselves walking into the sea six times for the perfect reel. The contrast is almost comical. One side of a bamboo screen is the tranquil Beach Club; the other is the "budget" beach area, where sunbeds cost €6 or €10 with an umbrella. It feels rather like the holiday equivalent of business class separated from economy by a curtain. As for St Julian's itself? It's energetic... if that's your thing. We'd describe it as loud, chaotic, rather dirty and desperately lacking pavements. Walking anywhere feels like participating in an extreme sport. Earplugs aren't an optional extra—they're essential equipment. Every night, revellers return at every conceivable hour, enthusiastically sharing the details of their evening with anyone trying to sleep. The highlight of our stay came when three teenagers entered our lift, got out on the seventh floor and proceeded to kick every hotel door as they wandered along the corridor. Apparently this now counts as entertainment. We found ourselves wondering whether we'd accidentally checked into a particularly expensive sixth form common room. That said, be.HOTEL itself deserves credit. The rooftop bar offers spectacular views over St George's Bay, and the staff throughout the hotel were genuinely friendly, welcoming and hardworking. They deserve medals for maintaining their smiles amid the daily circus. Our favourite day by far was an excursion to Gozo, booked through i See Malta for €50. After the sensory overload of St Julian's, Gozo was calm, scenic and wonderfully relaxing—a reminder that Malta has so much more to offer than nightclub basslines and influencer photo shoots. Food was another highlight. Hugo's Bar was excellent for a relaxed meal and quiet drink, while Lubelli served delicious Italian food with great service. Would we return? Absolutely not. Would we recommend be.HOTEL? Yes—if you're under 25 and your holiday priorities include nightlife, social media content and sleeping sometime after sunrise. Would we recommend St Julian's to anyone over the age of 16 who enjoys peace, clean streets and a full night's sleep? Not a chance. Malta itself is beautiful. St Julian's simply isn't the place where we'll be enjoying it next time.

Andrea was very kind and accommodating. The service was truly excellent. I would happily come back again.